Look to the Beard

A couple of days ago John, Scott, I were getting still pics taken for the movie’s poster/dvd with our photographer Chris Tait (christait.ca if interested) and something occurred to me. As we set up, it occurred to me that every decision that was made about the film’s schedule was based on my beard.



I always wondered where big movies start with scheduling. Obviously you would group scenes by location and film accordingly. And you would to do things somewhat sequentially to keep the prima donna actors (like me) happy. But where do you start?

Well luckily I didn’t have to think about that too hard. Because I had no choice but to start at a certain point in the story because of my beard.

Well my facial hair and hair length to be exact. How ridiculous is that!! All that other stuff, actor availability, location availability, convenience, that was all secondary to how my hair/facial hair needed to look in each scene.

It’s funny, having worn every proverbial hat on this project that I possibly could, I’ve realized that all the Neils don’t really like each other. For example: Neil the producer, the guy that needs to schedule out how to film a 91 page script within a reasonable amount of time, thinks that Neil the writer is an asshole for creating a veritable logistical nightmare by writing in that Neil the actor needs play 7 (that’s right 7?!?) different parts.

Neil the producer suspects that Neil the prima donna actor was in the writer’s ear the whole writing process going “give me more to do….No no screw that, I can play that part too, and that part too, oh and hey why not that one.” Haha, basically Neil the producer thinks that Neil in all other forms are dicks.

Before you get too worried that this is some weird one-man movie…well wait it is. No I’m just kidding, there are plenty of other good-looking people to look at.

But yeah, here’s how I scheduled the movie.

First we filmed 'early story Trent' who had grossly long, dirty facial hair and long hair to match which meant that we filmed the 18 scenes with bearded Trent first in the first two weeks. We also filmed 3 scenes with the dream character that I also play named Sharky (who was essentially Trent’s subconsciously ill-informed caricature-like interpretation of what a coke head would be like).

I grew that facial hair for about a month and a half. I even had this beauty movember worthy beard and mustache combination for my convocation. Haha, that’s commitment for you. Needless to say Nicole wasn’t thrilled about my grizzly adams face…haha, she wasn’t actually angry, she would just give me a much needed hard time every once and awhile ;)



Next up I shaved off the beard. A momentous day indeed. Within 10 minutes of shaving, I started filming one of four flashback scenes of early Trent.

From there I got a minor trim of my mop and started filming the second half of the real life story with Trent (and by real life, I mean: not dream sequence stuff). This amounted to 42 scenes. Which at the time I thought would mean we were almost done filming…HA HA was I ever wrong. This took us to about July 16th ish…give or take a week.



So we did this epic marathon over 3 weeks I think. Over this period I shaved daily for the first week and a half…then I stopped. Because this is as we’re approaching the climax of the movie where Trent’s falling apart, so I figured it would be good that I was no longer clean-shaven. Incidentally, my week and a half stubble is my sweet spot, where my facial hair looks kind of cool, without being creepy or dirty looking. See my convocation picture for the definition of creepy and dirty facial hair.

So once we finished filming the last of that segment. It was big haircut time. My f***ing bowl cut (which became the bane of my existence) was transformed into my best attempt at Tyler Durden hair.

From this point all but 5 members of the 14 person cast were done filming.

Real life sequence was done filming. It was onto the dream sequence.

The character Billy came first. Billy’s the cool one of the two main dream versions of Trent. Billy = how Trent wishes he could be mixed with his interpretation of what his brother was like. Glenn = Trent’s interpretation of how he sees himself and the possessor of all of Trent’s weaknesses and shortcomings in real life. In short Billy’s cool and Glenn’s a tool.

Billy had 23 scenes. This took a good two and a half, maybe three weeks.



You have to understand, playing a cool version of myself, was surprisingly difficult…haha. I had to work my ass off and do a lot of takes to come off cool. I’m pretty proud of how it has turned out so far. But it was a struggle. It was interesting to see some of my tells that I wasn’t feeling a hundred percent sure of myself. My voice wouldn’t come out as strongly, I would speak quicker and would trip over my words, and sometimes my eyes would almost flutter as I blinked when I was not feeling the Billyness.

After finishing Billy’s scenes. I had to do 8 of Glenn’s 20 scenes, because the second half of the movie, Glenn tries to look better so he has some facial hair, and slightly more stylin’ hair. So for 8 scenes, I would do Billy, then right away, change my outfit and hair and film Glenn. That was actually really helpful, because it made it easier to remember what it was I’m reacting off of.

Once I was done Billy and late Glenn. I got another haircut and started to do early Glenn.

Early Glenn is super awkward, and kind of toolish. This was surprisingly easy for me to play haha. Dammit. It was actually a tough balance to have Glenn be toolish, but not over the top bad acting toolish. Like when you see someone playing a nerd on tv and in movies and it’s so viciously over the top. That’s what I didn’t want. The result was an awkward kind of strange guy.
One of the most interesting things I realized so far from the people who have seen some of the movie is that girls love Glenn and guys despise Glenn.

I have a theory about this. Girls like Glenn because he’s cute and awkward and they feel sorry for Glenn because he’s kind of a nice guy, and he’s trying his best to be cool. But! But, girls love Glenn not at all in the way that that’s what they look for in a guy. Guys on the other hand can’t stand Glenn, because he’s so awkward and toolish. He’d be the guy who the guys would make fun of in the hockey dressing room. I think the reason that guys really can’t handle Glenn is because of the fact that guy’s see the worst of themselves in Glenn. All guys know that they have the potential to be, in some capacity, like Glenn. All guys (I’m generalizing here obviously, but most guys) fear being weak, unconfident, and just generally awkward and uncomfortable in their own skin. And that’s what Glenn represents.

So I get a haircut. And to get into Glenn, what I would do was shower, then put zero product in my hair, so it would just sit there not spiked but just kind of foofy (foofy??!!?) just very unstylish. Then I would wear my nerdy glasses. (I have two pairs…one for early Glenn, and a dark framed more stylish pair for later Glenn).

And bam! Just looking like this would make me feel very self conscious and painfully self-aware. This combination of lack of style and crippling self doubt equaled the perfect Glenntastic cocktail. And to cap it off, when I’m not paying attention, sometimes I smile and my bottom lip covers some of my top teeth, and I just strongly resemble a tool...this is Glenn.



I know that all these things I’m writing make me sound really vain but when you watch 20 odd takes of 20 odd scenes where you're playing cooler and toolier versions of yourself, you start to notice trends.

So for the next 2 or three weeks, we filmed Glenn’s half of the remaining 12 scenes.

After finishing these scenes I was still not finished. Believe it or not. Haha. There are actually 3 more scenes where there are not only 2 versions of me (Billy and Glenn) but a third guy. To date I’ve only finished one of those…and unfortunately (or fortunately if you’re sick of seeing Neil) I think this’ll be the first to be cut. Not because it’s a bad scene, just because it kind of crushes some positive/comedic flow of the segment in which it resides.

So to date we have filmed 96 of the 99 scenes. 2 of the last three that need to be filmed are waiting on…you guessed it…my hair and facial hair. And the last one, we just haven’t got to yet. It’s tough to schedule people in the fall, they’re always doing their own thing…selfish bastards. Just kidding.

So there it is. That’s how you schedule a movie. Look to the beard. It will reveal the answers to all your scheduling problems.