Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Anger Leads To Nothing But Good Things

I woke up this morning feeling brutal once again. Probably from the swine flu shot I got 6 days ago…I’m hoping that’s what it’s from, otherwise I’m just another out of shape slug that tends to feel like shit after 8 hours of sleep.

I don’t edit right away, like I should (I’m done 67 minutes so far, see a screen capture below). Instead I do my best to ignore my catholic guilt, as I drink coffee and watch extra features on a British horror movie I watched a couple nights ago. This is what makes me feel better, movie related shit…and stimulants. Two years ago, before discovering coffee, I probably would have tried to go about my day, whilst being really angry because I feel like shit.





However it should be noted that if it was two years ago, I might have also been angry because I would’ve been sitting in an engineering class listening to some douche with a PhD as he butchers the English language while trying to teach whatever incomprehensible nonsense which happened to be on the docket that day.

See you can tell, I get that irritability creeping back every time I start thinking about my days as an engineer. But I have my coffee, and my movie shit……so it’s all good. Anyways, so I’m watching behind the scenes on this Brit flick “The Children” which was pretty awesome, in spite of the fact it was tough to understand these brits. This wasn’t quite Trainspotting incomprehensible (which funny enough becomes comprehensible after you watch it 20 odd times). They assume people watching this movie speak British.





Dammit! I can’t get to my point, it’s the inner screenwriter in me feeling the need to explain a lot of shit, so no one gets lost…Here’s the point: watching behind the scenes, I get this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is because I see this movie set, that looks like complete chaos, with a shit ton of people hanging around, nothing ever seems to get done, set ups take so long, and the responsibility of this whole mess all seems to, in one way or another, fall onto the shoulders of the director....And this is what I aspire to? Haha, yeah I guess so.

Would this be an easy job for Neil to do…Hell no! Let’s check out the cliff notes on Neil (Yep third person, I’m an egomaniac, don’t worry about it)

And for those of you who find the story of my life, told by me, a little heavy. My apologies, but in order to understand why a seemingly well-to-do civil engineering graduate would ever attempt to make a feature length film, I felt a little back-story was necessary.

Here it goes:

1986 Neil is born

Neil, as a kid, is shy. (Not a good start as far as being a director)

But Neil is good at stuff (thanks to mom and dad for some good genes).

Neil being good at stuff gets Neil friends.

Neil goes through elementary school and junior high playing sports, being good and thus having friends.

(Again this sounds egotistical, I got it, but I’ll break it down for you: people initially don’t flock to Neil cuz Neil is shy. People see Neil play sports. He is above average. People want to be friends with the above average people…bam! Neil has friends)

Neil goes to high school, doesn’t play high school sports. No one sees Neil be good at stuff…bam! Neil has no friends. This is because Neil never had to develop social skills to get friends up to this point, just be better than them at sports.

Neil doesn’t like high school too much. But it’s not hard, so Neil gets good grades.

End of high school – Neil has a few friends, but Neil is lazy, he didn’t work too hard at getting friends/girlfriends. Neil was lazy because everything else Neil had: came easy - athletics, school: these things Neil was a natural at.

Got good grades, Neil goes to university cuz Neil wanted to be an actor, parents (thankfully) said go to school while acting.

Fine. Neil goes to school, Dad-engineer, brother-engineer do we see a trend here-Neil-engineer

Bad news, Neil sucks at engineering…not really sucks, just below average.

What do below average people have to do to get through, work hard.

Shit. Neil is lazy…working hard is hard.

Neil has few friends, Neil has to work hard at school, Neil doesn’t like engineering

Neil is angry!

Neil’s anger builds for three years. More hard work! More teachers that suck and can’t speak English! Neil is super pissed.

Neil still has minimal social skills. Cuz if he’s working hard at school…Fuck working hard at something else too.

Neil has few friends, no girlfriends, he is angry depressed. Neil is getting very few acting gigs.

Oh right…after first year, Neil gets big audition: part of Robert Ford in Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford. Neil obviously doesn’t get that…because in spite of a solid audition…Neil has 0 experience, Neil is not famous; Neil is probably not good enough. Neil is not Casey Affleck.

Neil is not acting with Brad Pitt. Neil is at school. Neil is girlfriendless. Neil is angry/depressed.

Anyone reading this must be thinking…good old Neil is approaching serial killerdom haha. Don’t worry I’m not.





While avoiding school in 3rd year school, Neil rents El Mariachi. Neil is introduced to who Robert Rodriguez is. Neil listens to commentary. Neil gets Rodriguez’s book. Neil says fuck waiting for acting parts. He’ll write and make his own…Rodriguez style.

Neil needs to finish school first. John (brother) finishes engineering; Neil goes to Europe with John.

Neil goes to Europe. Europe makes Neil angry. Surprise. It wasn’t Europe’s fault Neil was just angry. (Need proof compare John and Neil’s Europe blogs…believe it or not they were on the same trip.)

In Germany John and Neil film short film on a digital camera called ‘Mi Hermano’ (Rodriguez connection anybody? Haha)





In Spain Neil decides Mi Hermano should be full-length movie…this will be Neil’s El Mariachi.

Problem: Neil has good ideas, but ultimately Neil’s screenplay sucked! Dialogue is horrible, totally not believable because (connection point here) Neil spent the last 6 years friendless (pretty much), girlfriendless (more or less) and thus with no idea how people speak.

Neil still thinks Mi Hermano is the shit! And that he’s Rodriguez. So Neil writes and re-writes Mi Hermano for months until it is a 140-page heap of average writing. We’ll get back to Neil the screenwriter in a minute.

Neil starts internship job (working as engg) to fund Mi Hermano.





Note: In Europe Neil had no choice but to develop a bit socially…just a bit though haha.

Neil meets girl: Nicole.

Neil manages to get Nicole to like him. Neil’s friendless girlfriendless life over.

Neil’s flung into this world of being social. Neil is out of Neil’s safe little world of watching movies and writing movies that have no basis in reality.

Neil experiences all the shit that should have been experienced 6 years ago, when Neil should’ve developed the social skills instead of retreating to the cave that eventually lead to anger, depression, and bad scripts.

This fact of wasted (not really, but kind of) time and life angers Neil. There are many surprises in this new world. This world is not as shiny and nice and Neil imagined it to be.

Neil is angry (not nearly as angry as before, but still a little angry) at the realization that the world wasn’t the way he thought is was going to be

Neil breaks out of angry funk and decides “Holy shit! This is it…I can’t keep waiting for the world to be shiny and perfect…that place doesn’t exist, so I must love this unshiny imperfect world”

Neil tries to be less angry, Neil works at social skills.

What Neil didn’t realize, is while Neil had left the safe little world, Neil was becoming a more well-rounded human being that had some actual life experience.

Neil’s screenwriting skills improve.

Neil realizes Mi Hermano, the 140-page heap of stinking poubelle, is actually a cool 40-page script.

Neil combines Mi Hermano elements into another, new story, based much more in real world. Blamo: Railed Up and Wrecked is born.

Neil does 4th year of engineering. Neil hates life less, has friends, school is hard but he makes it through.

Let’s not undercut this any, 4th year was fuckin hard. And to add to it, Neil took Structural minor=very useful minor=very fucking hard minor.

But Neil has learned to work hard; he knows what it takes to "get ‘er done," as it were. Neil passes all class and graduates with 3.43 GPA.

Neil is pumped.

And that, folks, is how Neil arrived at (May 2009) the beginning of the ridiculous process of trying to make a movie…

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